Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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