His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They are going to name an STD after you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
