yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
