Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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