OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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