Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
