Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
