thus making me awesome and them whores
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
