Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
tell me about the eggs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
