I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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