ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
