i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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