they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
