you would pick up someone in the library
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
