A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
