the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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