he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bring money and cleavage
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
