I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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