I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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