I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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