That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
