i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
