I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
