I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
