Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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