I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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