My pussy is not your playground.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
