i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
