I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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