hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When are your genitals available?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
