there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
