She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All I want is dick and wine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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