Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Two words: nipple clamps
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