What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
