I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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