Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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