No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
did you just send me my own nude
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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