So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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