Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
