in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
