His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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