So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
