He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
