I didn't shave. On purpose
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
