I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
