Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
