I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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