The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i think i just lost a toe
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
