Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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