i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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