i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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