If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
