If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
