I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
People in love make me want to vomit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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