i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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