when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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